Magpies, a poem about my fertility journey so far

Until today, I had not shared anything online on my social media, or here on my blog, about my own fertility journey. Women's health has always been my main interest field in medicine, and I started seeing fertility patients and clients in my first years of practice. My work on Maven Clinic has really allowed me to hone in my expertise, and I could not be happier supporting women through the ups and downs of fertility each day.

Just over year ago, my best friend and handsome hottie husband, Ian, and I decided we were ready to try to grow our family. I have always known I wanted to be a mother, and it seemed like we were at a place in our life where we could really give our future child a life we all could be happy with. This is a huge blessing in and of itself that I try to be grateful for each day.

As of now, it has been 14 cycles all ending in big fat negatives (BFNs). I have learned I have a medium-ish sized fibroid, which does not seem to be impeding fertilization or implantation. Although my cycles are regular, and I seem to be ovulating regularly, my AMH has been low, as are my luteal progesterone levels most cycles. I often wonder if I also have endometriosis, which I have not explored an official diagnosis of.

Of course working in fertility, and being an ND, I have been doing ALL THE THINGS. Much of them I feel good taking and doing, but I have not had a positive pregnancy test yet.

This week, my OBGYN (who I love, another blessing) said we are good to start IUIs. Ian and I decided to wait a few more cycles to work a bit more on our health. Our insurance does not cover fertility treatments, so we are preparing to pay out of pocket as well. Right now I am feeling empowered with this decision. In other moments, I have doubt and wonder if we should not be waiting, considering the time that has already passed. Maybe we should just start them now, the sooner the better right? In other moments, I have faith that it will happen in the right time, IUI or no.

In the poem, "Magpies," I explore the concepts of hope and faith within infertility. I have always been a writer with a love for poetry. It is my hope that sharing will bring some comfort to anyone who has, or is struggling with infertility.

Magpies

A cathartic cry

does a heart good.

My devotional is singing in the car,

on a Sunday morning

on the way to get groceries.

I built up hope again this cycle,

enough to take a pregnancy test,

thinking maybe the

thirteenth time is a charm.

The lack of a second little pink line

was no shock,

but still,

dreams of kissing, holding, loving

our little one,

down the toilet.

Solemn news,

On a perfect spring day.

Sun shining,

Cool breezing blowing past concealed tears.

Finches on the balcony,

and throughout at the park, dancing and chirping away.

I passed a white Buddha head on a patio,

And a teal elephant planter,

as my little dog and I made our way along.

I thought to myself, "Would it be scarious

To petition Mother Mary,

or Kuan Yin

to help me now?"

Anyone's guidance would be ok.

Down the path,

My dog and I both spotted a magpie in her nest.

Her partner flew above, carrying more sticks,

joined her in weaving.

The thing with wings fulfilling

the promise of Spring's

Neverending Hope.